I have stayed up to watch most of the games so far which broadcast at ridiculous times here in Australia (between 9pm and 6am) and then start work at 9am, so needless to say if it’s not the World Cup fever, it’s probably my immune system dying from sleep deprivation and giving way for the disgusting viral bacteria that is most probably spread through the dirty fumes that my smelly housemate produces. It’s not just the soccer that keeps my attention though. There is so much going on, for example the red cards, the background issues each team has, the new players making a name for themselves and the funny stuff in between.

Now I know not all of you have had the time to watch all the games like me or analyse the soccer to the extent that I go to so I’ve decided to provide you with the things that have entertained me about the soccer so far. This excludes the great class of soccer and the goals scored from star players (you can just watch that on the news or SBS). This is just the stupid stuff:

Counterfeit Players

The World Cup has star names, some of them you may know e.g. Messi, Tevez, Robinho, Ronaldo etc. They are infamous for their skill in the game of soccer and they have developed a brand. Just like all brands, however, there are counterfeits….

Player on the left is Beckham. Player on the right is his counterfeit. I’m assuming he was manufactured in Malaysia. His name is Beckmann.

On the left is Ronaldo. Star player for Portugal. You may know him as the retarded kid on the Castrol commercial. He says “futbawll teks mi meny plaaacccess”. Anyway, funnily enough his counterfeit is on the same team as him. On the right, meet Rolando. He is average and also probably made in Malaysia.

Funny Names:

With all the different nations coming together, it is inevitable that I would find some names funny. Here are some that made me giggle like a school girl:

Meet Oh Beom Seok. I wasn’t quite sure how to pronounce this but luckily the commentator mentioned his name once he got the ball. The correct way of pronouncing this name is (o-bum-sock).

This is Gaetan Bong. HAHA

And this is Emmanuel Kone… hehehe Bong and Kone…get it? Hehehe

Soccer Players in Showbiz

This is Georgios Samaras. According to some made up sources, Samaras has been chosen to play Jesus in Passion of the Christ 2.

There are rumors spreading that Dreamworks have convinced Sergio Ramos to play Monkey in their latest remake of the brilliant TV Show Monkey Magic. Jackie Chan will be producing.

Player of the tournament:

Runner Up: GERVINHO

Gervinho earns the spot of runner up for player of the tournament so far for his amazing hair style which manages to ride long yet cover none of his forehead. What a forehead… more like a fivehead.

And the Player of the tournament so far is!!!! …..

Vincent Enyeama – for taking a Jabulani ball to his balls and living to tell the story. Seriously though, he has done well for Nigeria as their goal keeper, putting his body on the line, and putting soccer before his future children on the priority list.

Things I’ve learned:

It is very expensive to get a haircut in South America. At least I assume this because of all the players with long girly hair:

Thank you to fifa.com for the profile shots of the players. Very amusing stuff.

In between his rise to fame on TV, he was also crowned 4^th in the under 12 QLD chess championships. While other kids his age spilt orange juice on their school uniforms before school (me), he spent his time reading chess strategy books and learning the piano. He can still wow an audience when he plays the piano but he has an annoying habit of stopping when he sees someone is impressed. I usually get him to play the piano and act like I’m yawning so he keeps going.  He always seemed like he was going places but I felt like he never had the chance to be a real kid. Instead of laughing about spilling orange juice on himself, he’d probably be disappointed and practice sipping orange juice all day.

Now Jesus is back at University studying French. This is his 3rd attempt to do French A – introduction to French. Despite acing most of the first few tests, he dropped out of this subject twice, only to return to it and try again. He says it’s hard for him to cope with doing real life things. He gets scared because he’s making things reality. He once told me he can live his whole life in his head. If he wants a BMW he can drive one… in his head and it will be just as if it were real to him.

Today I asked him a few questions about his special abilities. He isn’t sure he can control the weather anymore. He used to be able to… but he is definite that he can still read people’s minds.  He then let me know that his mum is holidaying in Vietnam and she’s complaining about the weather. I asked if he tried changing the weather for her and realised only then that he lost his powers. He said “no”. I ask him quite regularly “what am I thinking?”… He always smirks and keeps silent; never providing an answer. This is frustrating as I get no closure. If he guessed and was wrong I’d know he was full of it… but I can’t make that claim yet can I?

While we were lined up to buy some McDonalds he asked me if I wanted kids. I proposed the same question to him before I answered it. He said “Yeah, but I don’t want to get married. I think I will just have a partner… or several partners forever”.  I told him that I’d caution his first girlfriend and tell her he was not going to be faithful to her. He then said “Sophia would be a great name for my child”. I warned him that a boy carrying the name of ‘Sophia’ may have a high propensity to get bashed during his schooling period. I got no response from him.

While we were sitting down with our McDonalds, he opened up to me about the secret organisation that was spying on him (apparently now he can’t feel them spying on him anymore). He repeated that they all drove shiny blue and yellow cars. Then he paused for a bit… and said in a startled voice “some of them were Chinese…and black… not just white people” to which I said… “Well I’m guessing the CIA and stuff don’t really put ‘Must be white’ on their self-destructing applications. That would be secretive discrimination”.  

He then asked me how much a Lamborghini Diablo costs. I said… “Definitely more than your recreational study of French is going to earn you.”  Out of the blue he said “I can make miracles happen” so I told him to go buy a lotto ticket. He informed me that he was planning on doing that, but I reminded him of the odds to winning lottery, mentioning his favourite movie ‘Good Will Hunting’ where they stated the actual odds. He reassured me that he will win the lottery and buy a Lamborghini Diablo.

I am not ruling anything out with Jesus. I have this strange feeling that he is going to come up trumps in life one way or another. It may be a case similar to Forrest Gump but I can just tell life has something more planned for him. I believe he will get his Lamborghini Diablo…. and his baby boy, Sophia.

Today we covered a few important topics that I would like to share with you. We debated about the meaning of life (this happens at each visit); the difference between lust and love; we also covered capacity and capability. Note that this was a fairly short outing so we couldn’t cover more as we usually do….

It started off with his question… “So what do you think the meaning of life is? What are we here for? Is it to do what we want? … What is it?” to which I traditionally answer “Why don’t you tell me Jesus?” and then he says “Because I want to know what you think” … So then I usually make up something new each time he asks me. Today I told him the meaning of life was to find the best grand piano you can and to find a beautiful house to put it in. To reach that goal he would need money or grand piano/home craftsman skills. He was enthusiastic about creating his own grand piano but didn’t make his feelings apparent right away. He was sidetracked by a new thought that came to his head….

“I want to go on a honeymoon.” to which I replied “I hope you don’t want to go with me…or by yourself. Both are equally creepy Jesus.” He said “no, I would like to have a partner of some sort to go with.” He then asked me “How do you know the difference between lust and love?” to which I explained… “Well…You know how I drink vodka sometimes but feel dirty about it and really wish I had scotch instead?” He said “No.”… … I said “Well never mind because I don’t think that has anything to do with lust or love” but then I remembered a diagram I made a very long time ago which explained the difference between lust and love in my full understanding of the matter (I have little to no understanding) so I told him about it:

Love/Lust Graph

“So Jesus, love and lust is directly dependent on physical attraction versus personality. If you find yourself totally attracted to that person and they have a great personality, then congratulations, you have found love. If she is a fine specimen but she is totally stupid and makes you want to shoot yourself, then you know you’re just there ‘for the ride’ …no pun intended. Speaking of stupid… I saw a door that said ‘keep closed at all times’ (seriously why the hell didn’t you just continue the wall instead of making a door if you wanted it closed at all times? People…sheesh). As for girls with great personalities which you don’t find physically attractive: It’s hard to say. If she’s so great that you end up being attracted to her primarily for her personality then it could be love? I’m not really sure on anything that I’m saying.”

He then said “I don’t think I am capable of making a grand piano”. I said.. “You are capable of doing anything. The only thing that’s stopping you is your crappy attitude Jesus.” Then we started fighting.. He said “not everyone is the same! We have different capacities!” and I said “Yeah but although you may have a greater capacity to learn something faster, we are all capable of getting there in the end” and he kept mentioning the word “capacity”…
Jesus: But Bruce Lee learnt to do 2 fingered push-ups much faster than it would take for my sister to learn it.
Me: Yeah so what? If she practices for 10 years I’m sure she’ll be capable of doing it.
Jesus: I agree only if we were to say anything can happen … like miracles.
Me: Well I am talking to Jesus. Surely you believe in miracles Jesus?
Jesus: But I am a good dancer. There are some people who can’t dance.
Me: But what if those people who ‘can’t dance’ try and learn for 10 years. Surely they will be able ‘to dance’?
Jesus: But not as good as me.
Me: Of course not, you’re Jesus!

This continued for the remainder of my trip home. He threw some analogy, I found some way to argue…. No doubt this is just part 1 of a blog which needs a part 2 because I feel like we have more to discuss on this subject. Stay tuned….