It all started when I saw that I was developing a slight belly after drinking a lot of beer and sitting on office chairs all day. My idea to turn this around was to go back to my days of working out and martial arts. My attempt to restart my healthier life schedule made me depressed as I realised the retreat of any progress I had previously made but a bit of motivation from my friends and my lovely dog that persuades me to take her for exceedingly long walks everyday has made me fitter than ever.

Today, on the way home from indoor cricket, I realised I was getting too fit. I was one iPod shuffle away from being the douche who wakes up at 4am for a protein shake and a quick jog before starting a joyful morning. This had to stop as I was missing the couch potato, laid back attitude I had on everything. I even started watching the news and reading newspapers!  Anyway… on the car ride home from cricket, I thought to myself… what’s the easiest way to become a couch potato again? And then it hit me…. A cinewheel couch!

Have you noticed how uncomfortable regular wheelchairs look? I have used a wheelchair at times and the only thing that I don’t like about them is that they’re too basic for my extravagant taste in practicality. So without further adieu, I introduce to you the cinewheel couch:

You are looking at a couch designed as a mode of transport while providing the comfort of home.  Is there a better way to get out there and see the world but still maintain a laid-back lifestyle? Surely not! It’s the perfect mixture of a cinema couch and a wheelchair.

Some specs:

• Electronic joystick control which means you won’t have to push yourself around!
• Cup holders for your drinks complemented with a fridge to store your refills at the perfect temperature
• Optional dolby surround sound speakers with built-in subwoofer for that doof doof on your back
• Titanium wheels with shock absorbers to take on any terrain but still feel like you’re on a cloud
• Italian leather
• Optional reading light
• Optional Air conditioning
• Optional game controller holder for the hardcore gamer
• Ideally the couch would travel at a cruise speed of 80 km/h but I don’t think this would be safe

I feel that this amazing product will not only be a competitor for all wheelchairs on the market but segues as well. I mean how convenient is a segue compared to the cinewheel couch when you have to stand to go everywhere and you have very little resources at your fingertips?

Let me know if you’re interested in helping me develop a prototype because I’m not sure how to get the wheels on the couch and provide a safe shock absorber solution. Thanks.

 I love animals and have a beautiful dog of my own. I must admit I treat her like a daughter and celebrate her birthday with a big dog treat, but that’s as far as I will go in terms of personifying my relationship with my dog. I for one can tell the difference between a dog and a human being but there are a lot out there that cannot distinguish this gap, and this number is increasing. Here are just a very few examples from a plethora demonstrating the merging between the dog species and the human species:

• Leashes for babies
• Car Seats for dogs
• Baby/Dog Birthday cards
• Balloons with paw prints
• Pet motels
• Dog clothing
• Dog Grooming
• Dog Party Planners
• Dog Spa Products
• Dog Umbrellas

It recently came to my attention that people have decided to take the personifying of dogs to a totally new level. Some moron out there decided that it was a good idea to elope their dog with another dog. There are various issues with this to start with:

1. How does a dog stay faithful to the one dog till death do them part? Do they even know of this sacred contract? Have they heard of the term monogamy? Probably not right, I mean they’re just dogs…
2. How do you know that dog is in love with that other dog or if it’s just lust? We as humans make that decision on our own. You can’t just say… “aww look they get along so well. Let’s marry them.”

…and if this wasn’t enough, a bigger moron in India decided to marry their nine year old child off to a dog to protect their child from evil (there has actually been several cases of this). Now she is protected from evil, but she is cursed with the life-long marriage to a dog. What is worse? It seems that some people are just stupid and I just put it down to pure and simple stupidity, although some of us see the irony in this situation a lot more than others:

 Even though this is some pretty weird stuff, a huge market has been opened for stupid inventions within the grey area of babies and dogs. Now that this market is growing, it is time to think of the future.  I have started to develop some ideas over a few drinks and have come up with the following concepts which will no doubt be appealing to those “Pet Parents” which treat their dogs like babies:

The fetchsaber

Demonstration of the fetchsaber in use

Pretty much speaks for itself. I know my dog loves a good game of fetch with a stick. Why not try a fetchsaber. It comes with the following advantages:

• You can play endless fetch games in the dark and not be worried about losing your stick
• It is very easy to spot when throwing into the waves at the beach
• As your dog runs around, the stick will look like it’s moving by itself. This provides a party ambiance

The TITAN surgical collar

Ever seen a dog with a surgical collar and felt sorry for the poor fella’? Doesn’t every dog with a surgical collar look down and low on confidence? Why not spruce up their surgical collar wearing period with a TITAN surgical collar!

Before and After Shot - Stand out difference in fashion

The TITAN surgical collar comfortably prevents the dog from picking at their surgical wounds while at the same time providing comfort and confidence with style and fashion for the dog. Parents don’t be too alarmed, here are the following advantages:

• Fashionable outfit masking the traumatic time for your dog
• Novelty for the pet’s parents as their dog is temporarily turned into a fashionable robot-looking badger/dog
• Provides neck support and covering of surgical wound
• Water proof

The dog play chair

Ever seen a baby in a play chair with all these toys surrounding it? If you haven’t trust me… they have a ball just rolling themselves around while distracted with dangling objects. Now I bring you the same concept only this one accommodates all the entertainment needs for a dog:

Dog play chair

The aforementioned design includes intricate detail in order to ensure your dog is as comfortable as he can be in his play chair. With neck support, adjustable height levels and 4 holes for each leg of a dog; your dog will have endless fun chasing the bone he will never reach.

The following safety features have been incorporated:

• Wheel stoppers for steep inclines
• Tail hole for those dogs with longer tails than others
• A broad base to negate toppling from over exertion 

Phone MUM

Phone MUM - Pet telephone service

Has your partner ever passed the phone over to your dog; only to hear the cute barks and panting of your loved pet over the phone? I haven’t but I’m sure it’s lovely. What if you could have spontaneous out-of-the-blue phone calls from your pet?… and wait for it… They can call you on their own! You’d pay a million dollars for that right?

Well here it is: The phone mum telephone for your pet.  All your pet has to do is push the paw shaped button on his personal pet phone and get a direct connection to your selected phone number (user programmed). Your pet will then be put on speaker where it can hear your voice and respond to any remote commands that you give it.

Features:

• Paw shaped button, accessible to any sized pet (but not extremely large ones)
• Display Screen for phone number programming
• Durable plastic for outside use
• Available in various colours

Velcro Muzzle

Velcro Muzzle. Impress your friends!

Ever played a game of catch with a friend but he dropped the ball all the time? Then ever bought those Velcro hand things from Toy World and played with that friend; making it 3 times better because now the ball actually stuck when you threw it at him? Now just swap the word ‘friend’ with ‘dog’ in that previous statement and you have VELCRO MUZZLE!

Yes this intuitive but dog-friendly product will allow even the most uncoordinated of dogs to have a chance at playing in the big leagues (with you at the park). The genius design takes advantage of the dog’s instinct to catch the ball in its mouth, only to let the Velcro do the catching for it! Have hours of fun as the dog looks for where the hell the ball actually went!

Features:

• Security standard muzzle performance
• Available in all colours for all dog shapes and sizes
• Machine washable
• No more slobber all over the tennis ball

Feel free to use or modify my ideas. I only ask that you let me know of your concepts before you make millions of dollars from them.