If we look back in history, kids were much better behaved during the times where teachers could smack them with rulers, throw things at them and punish them in slightly traumatising ways. Nowadays teachers have to be careful what they say or the child can scream rape. We are really going backwards and then we wonder why crime rates are rising and brainless acts are abundantly evident. It’s a simple case of ‘actions not being met by tough enough consequences’.

Inspired by some of the government drunk-driving advertisements; I came up with the idea to create a series of Children’s books, sponsored by KOCS and deployed with each baby bonus.  These books will provide the necessary education in society’s etiquette and scruples. We shall try to mitigate the generation of badly behaved children at a primary stage of development. 

The books are still under construction but here is the lineup I have thought of so far for the mandatory series to all toddlers:

BOB GOES TO THE SUPERMARKET

TOBY DOESN’T SHARE HIS TOYS

LIZZY LEARNS THE ROAD RULES

MAX GOES TO JAIL

JESS RIDES THE TRAIN 

 I am waiting for an extraordinary illustrator to help me out and provide me with some realistic illustrations to match the text of the story but I didn’t want to leave you guessing as to the method of education these books would use so I have provided some dodgy samples:

BOB GOES TO THE SUPERMARKET:

One day Bob and his mother went to the supermarket to buy healthy groceries, high in nutritional value. They started at the fruit. Bob waited patiently for his mother to select his favourite fruits. Bob loved bananas and apples.

When they got to the confectionery aisle, Bob saw many candy wrappers bright in colour and ever so tempting. His mother looked at Bob and said “Bob that food is bad for you. It may taste good but you shouldn’t eat a lot of it because it is expensive and unhealthy.”

But Bob had his eyes set on some candy. He kicked and screamed repeating the annoying words “But I want it now!”

All the other shoppers were angry at Bob. He was making too much noise in the supermarket.

A few days later and Bob caught a plague. His eyes and teeth began to fall out. He lost his hearing and suffered painfully.

Bob is now dead.

Note: The illustrations are important. Bob deliberately has a mullet in order to deter kids from being like Bob and continuing the look of the mullet. 

 Toby was sitting on the ground happily playing with his new toys he got for his birthday. Toby got a tennis ball and fishing net from his biological Father. He was very happy. 

His friend Eli from next door came over to play with Toby. Eli asked Toby “Is that a sieve?” to which Toby replied, “No, it’s a fishing net Eli.”  

Eli said “Hey, I have a fishing net too. Would you like me to show you how to use that properly? The ball doesn’t go inside there. Fish do!”

Toby, only partially listening to Eli said “No thanks, I don’t share things with people.”

A few days later and Toby caught a plague. His eyes and teeth began to fall out. He lost his hearing and suffered painfully.

Toby is now dead.

If you are a great illustrator and would like to help me develop this essential book series, then please let me know. 

The association will actively look to provide our younger generations with a chance at a successful life by protesting against the social trends we are currently developing. The most appalling trends include internet slang becoming acceptable in both verbal and textual communication and the emergence of TV shows which cater, not just for our children but also for those on hallucinogens.

If we look at our education system say…20 years ago, it is evident that our current education system has dulled down the criteria of PASS and FAIL as our descending generations become more dependent on calculators, iphones, google and tv for their daily dose of learning. A teacher of mine in high school used to complain to me about this all the time. He used to describe the class pupils as tree stumps and was convinced that technology had short-circuited our brains. He went as far as to say that the leniency of the education system will lead to higher crime rates and backwards steps for civilization and its progress. I’m afraid he may be right; I just hope it’s not too late.

Those of you who are friends with me on facebook have already seen my efforts in maintaining traditional literacy by banning slang and shortcut English on my facebook wall (a large but necessary sacrifice as I have lost many friends). This is, however, only the beginning of my arsenal against idiocracy. I implore anyone who has read up to this point and totally agrees with me to aid me in my battles.

My battle to maintain traditional literacy:

Here are a number of things that you can do to help with the maintenance of English:

• Help me create a facebook application/virus which spiders through all facebook pages and converts any slang and shortcut English into orthodox English.
• Ban slang and shortcut English on your facebook wall. Delete any messages which do not comply.
• Reply to any text messages (phone and internet) which seem dyslexic or unorthodox with – “Please re-type your text message to adhere with English communication standards”.
• Closely monitor your children’s writing habits and discipline any inclusion of lulz, lolz, or any lazy acronyms that they may use frequently.
• Ensure adequate punishment is provided to anyone who uses internet slang in a verbal conversation. E.g. “I was walking to the shops and saw this dog take a crap on the road and as the owner walked past, I said LOLZ”. This requires you to now slap the person telling the story.

My battle to abolish the creation of mindless TV shows for kids:

While I have no real proof at the moment that these TV shows are in fact ruining aptitude for toddlers, I am currently in the process of experimenting with this hypothesis and will find evidential proof. I will then publish my findings for science to appreciate and to demonstrate the significance of KOCS.

My nephew and niece are conveniently my test subjects. My niece has been banned from watching TV shows which lack education whereas my nephew’s favourite TV show is Iggle Piggle (you will see what this is shortly):

Test subject A

Test subject B

It is still early days to see the effects but here is a preview of the shows these 9-10 month old toddlers are being exposed to:

Tara (niece) – Sesame Street:

 

Tyler (nephew) – Iggle Piggle:

You wonder how these kids will fair in school both with social development and aptitude after watching TV Shows like Iggle Piggle. I can only hope the experiment will provide a conclusion long before long-term damage to his intelligence.

Show your support to join KOCS with comments. I’m always looking for new strategies in maintaining the brightness of children. If you have any please share.