• Exchange mail push notifications not working at times and sluggish speeds of the app
• Sluggish performance in general
• Terrible battery life

Upgrade the firmware to 2.2 Froyo. This is available via Samsung Kies now for all Australian providers of the Samsung Galaxy S. Install it on your PC and upgrade!!! To check what firmware you have currently go to Settings -> About Phone and you should see firmware version.

Now for the full story:

So I’ve had the Samsung Galaxy S for about 6 months now and as much as I wanted to write an early raving review about it, I knew it wouldn’t be doing the device any justice because of how immensely shithouse (for lack of a better description) I found it compared to everyone else who bought it did. I was coming from using an iPhone 3G for a year which I had no problems with until OS 4 came out. I think this made a difference in my perception of the Samsung.

Call me a conspiracy theorist but Apple’s device building quality = 10. Apple’s marketing ploys and tactics = 10. As soon as the new iPhone 3Gs/4 came out, the quality of user experience was lost on the iPhone 3G….A bit too much of a push from Apple for me to upgrade in my opinion. I wanted to sue Steve Jobs for ruining my product but then I realised you can never really own an Apple product. They more or less own you. The only way to get out of Apples product prison was to buy something that did what my iPhone did, with none of the handcuffs. So I switched to the Samsung Galaxy S.

Firstly I was running on Android 1.2. They have cute little names for Android builds like gingerbread, froyo etc. Don’t let the names fool you. Anything under 2.0 is absolute shit. They should rename them to Android 1.1 – Embryo, Android 1.2 – Autism, Android 1.8 – Parkinsons. Anyway I guess I should talk about the phone:

First Impressions (keep in mind this was running 1.2)

At first I thought, wow this is a bit longer than I thought it would be. It has a 4.0” display which is considerably larger than the iPhones so obviously the phone is a little bit longer as well. It manages to be convenient though as it is lighter than the iPhone and the display is gorrrgeeousss (imagine a gay man saying this). It was rich in colour and I was really happy with how great video and photos came out. After all it was boasting a 5mp camera and 720p shooting just like the iPhone 4.

During the first day of use I didn’t notice the lag you get at literally random times but what I did notice was the battery diminishes incredibly quickly. I didn’t think about it too much as I was playing with it a lot but later on I still had the issue. Also for those of you who sleep near your phone like I do, there is a sound the phone makes to notify you that the battery is fully charged….yeah… you can’t turn that off (I don’t think) and it goes off at about 3am daily. I’m used to it now so not a huge deal breaker personally.

Terrible things about the phone running 1.2

• Firstly I responded late to a few important emails due to auto-push notifications not actually meaning push in Android 1.gaytard.2. The exchange compatibility was appalling! I would have to keep manually resetting the connection to the mail server to get mail. Push would work for a little while and then stop. This worked pretty much flawlessly on the iPhone from the start.
• Battery life was pretty bad. I would unplug it from the charger at about 8am and it would be dead by 8pm after receiving maybe 3 SMS and 1 phone call on average.
• The number one for me is the lag. At times the phone would be quick and very responsive,  but in the middle of doing something like checking an email, the phone would just stop responding. You’d click on the button to return to home screen and nothing would happen, about 1 minute later the phone would make a couple of vibrating bumps and then you would have to force close the app. Sometimes it would be so bad I’d have to turn the phone off completely to bring it to working order again. Out of 10, I’d give myself a 2 for patience. The worst scenario I had was when I was in a cab trying to check an email for an address. The phone stopped responding while checking the mail and we missed the turn where I had to go. Then!!! I had to make a call to let me into a data centre as it was an emergency and I accidentally hit the maps button. That sent the phone into complete retard mode and I had to turn it off and on again. A highly stressful situation made 10x worse thanks to this phone.
• There were no officially provided updates for the phone on Virgin until very recently. This is crazy. I’ve had the phone for so many months and it was running like a drunk $2 hooker in heels would when she skimps out on her pimp. So many people have been complaining and Google had released 2.2 about 5 months ago if not longer so why did we have to wait so long since release date? Shame on you! Shame on all of you!

Tips that got the phone to be usable:

I got so sick of the Samsung that I switched back to the iPhone for about a month. When I got back from holiday I decided to plug the phone into the computer and finally there was an update ready to be installed. The update ran smoothly and I noticed the phone ran smoothly after the update too! It’s not completely 100% lag-free but lag-free enough for me to categorise it as a little better than usable. Here are further things I did to get the phone working a bit better after the update:

• For battery life I installed an app from the android market called Juice Defender. This app controls things things like data transfer, 3G, screen brightness and allows you to schedule when you need data on and things like that. I have found it to increase battery life substantially. I can now use the phone for a full day easily. Sometimes even overnight and throughout the next morning with average use. The less I use the phone the more drastic Juice defender helps to keep the phone going.
• I noticed that push notifications were working a lot better but the email app that comes native to Android ran slower than it did before. I then noticed that there is an email app in the Samsung set of apps as well and decided to try it out. This app is great! It updates the inbox straight away and it’s quick to retrieve emails to read. The only issue is that you can’t select multiple emails and mark them as read or delete them. This is not a major issue for me though as I want to read every single email that comes into my inbox for the day. The app is called Samsung email. Be sure to get rid of your exchange account from the native app first though.
• A cool way of sharing apps with friends is to set up a dropbox account and share it with your friends. This way you can get the dropbox app for android and access this shared folder between each other. At the moment I am doing this with a friend of mine who fills up this folder with all the cool apps he finds. I then go through the list and download any new ones he has put in there. It saves me from having to hunt down these apps myself
• There are apps which are known as lag fixes and these are apparently effective against the lag issues on the Samsung Galaxy S. I say apparently because I don’t use it as you have to root the phone to do so

Conclusion:

The Samsung Galaxy S has great potential. Its hardware specifications are out there with the best handset devices out to date, but the letdown of this product is its reliance on the relatively young and generic OS Android. I compare the Samsung with the iPhone but this isn’t a fair comparison because Apple only need to product test a small set of devices for their OS. The Samsung is using a pre-built OS and modifying it to fit the functionality of the phone. Naturally, getting the balance of OS and hardware correct will take some time and I think once they get it right, the phone will exceed the iPhone. I bet you Apple fan boys will say… Yeah but the Apple iPhone 4 just works and by the time Samsung get it right there’ll be a new iPhone. Well that’s fine because there will also be a new Samsung and ever-advancing updates to Android…. Plus Steve Jobs is going to die soon and once that happens Apple might start making umbrellas and kitchen appliances so go to hell you arseholes. Also I have an iMac and was gifted an iPad. I hate myself as much as I hate you Apple fan boys.

A few months ago I put on my ear muffs and walked into the transport department. Needless to say it was a circus run by apes. There was a blood patch on the carpet. I can only imagine this blood belonged to a patient civilian who had a waiting period of over five hours and was overcome by cabin fever. I went in to see what I can do about getting my license. I was told I had to renew my learner’s license as it had expired a while ago…. That’s fine, let’s do that. Then I was given an inane package with lots of smiling faces, car keys and other annoying things on the cover.

I asked what the package was. The lady behind the counter explained that it’s the new learner logbook which I had to fill out to prove I’ve driven over a billion hours before I can even sit the test to test that I can drive….I said “but I’ve had my learner’s license for over 6 years, can’t you just change that L to a P on my license in the computer and I’ll be on my merry way?”. Apparently that’s not legal.

She comforted me with a judicious statement about how I can just write a letter stating that I’ve had my license for forever and to roughly provide an explanation of the driving I did during that time. I took one last punt at getting my license on that day by challenging the lady behind the counter to a drag race. She laughed approvingly but never told me a time and place so I think she wasn’t up for it.

I get home and leave it for a month or so before writing the letter to the transport department. I write a very short and sweet letter roughly stating:

To whom it may concern,
I’ve had my learner’s license for roughly 6 years in which I have done copious amounts of driving and gained far more experience than required by your new tedious policy. If I drove to the local food store once a week, I would still have enough experience to sit your test.

Anyway in case that didn’t work I even included some specific routes I used to drive, the registration of my car, the distance of travel etcetera. I thought I had it covered and sent off my logbook but alas I got a call telling me I did it wrong. After being turned down to yet another drag racing challenge, I waited for this logbook to come back to me via the mail so I could try again.

I get a letter with my logbook telling me all the things I left out…. this list was exceptional. I’m talking about… they wanted odometer readings and other useless information. The whole experience left me lugubrious (as dealings with the transport department usually do) so I wrote a letter back which had no relevance to the logbook or anything for that matter.

It went something like this:

Whoever sent me my logbook,
The numerous dot points you have collated describing my ‘lack of detail’ is asking quite a lot of me. I don’t really remember the odometer all those years ago. I do however collect and label my stool samples. I have been doing this since 1998. I can send these to you but I’m afraid this will not help anyone (nor will my odometer readings).

Sending the logbook simultaneously with my letter meant that I didn’t have to pay for postage. It also meant they had to respond by sending my book back. This was a loophole in the system which provided me with a ‘free abuse’ ticket. I got a call back from the same lady as before telling me what I had done earlier was ok but I had to just put all my driving routes into the logbook and all will be fine. The only oversight was that I had driving on there with an expired license. Once again they sent me back this damn logbook.

Having no clue of when my license was expired and when it was valid, I demanded to see a dissertation on the positive implications that the new logbook policy brings to the rudiments of driving. I once again received my logbook. I never received a dissertation.

Sad and frustrated I sent another letter to the transport department providing my driver’s license number. This time it didn’t have the logbook but the careful charming of the postage lady and a tiny white lie which told her it was an amendment letter which was supposed to be attached with my already-sent logbook got me yet another ‘free abuse’ ticket….

Hello,
I’m sure your elaborate governance and attention to detail within departmental records will provide a history of my battle with the new logbook policy for learner drivers. It appears that no matter what I do I cannot satisfy the needs of the transport department. While I understand the policy is written in stone and therefore personal discretion and common sense can’t be used, I’m dejectedly out of options.

Out of frustration I have burnt my learner logbook and therefore cannot provide you with the essential information you require. In the past, however, I have provided details of my driving which genuinely cover the required target presented by your stone policy. I plead that the department does the appropriate thing and deems me fit to sit the test.

The losers sent me a new bloody logbook! What assholes!
So now I have two….. because I didn’t really burn it.

I shall continue to tango with the transport department purely on principal and entertainment value.

My brother recently tried to have his son baptised to become a member of the Catholic Church; however, he was totally deterred by the arduous process and political constraints you have put on your recruitment procedure.

Firstly, he approached several churches looking to get his son baptised at these locations (based on personal preference) but he was shocked to have most of them say “Sorry, we don’t do baptism here”. Now forgive me if I’m simplifying the process of putting water on a kid’s head, but really… if McDonald’s can give me a sausage McMuffin at 6:30am at any location I go to…. Why is this so hard for a massive corporation like the Vatican to organise?

Secondly, once he found a church which actually “Did Baptism”; he was told he had to call the priest and make an appointment for a meeting/interview. According to my brother, the priest had a schedule that would rival MC Hammer’s during his late 80s to mid 90s fame. During our wait for the meeting we decided to have a look at the ‘rules’ of baptism placed by you (not Jesus). So now he realised his chosen God Parents for the child weren’t able to be the God parents because neither of them were Catholic and according to your arbitrary rules… one of them has to be. I also read somewhere if you are over 18 you need to enter into a program in which you will have to go through a year of studying before you can be baptised and confirmed. Also you need a sponsor (very similar to godparents) to guide you along in your faith. Is this true? Ironically the word ‘Catholic’ references the meaning of being ‘all embracing’ yet the religion does nothing of the sort.

The church is all about tradition, and I believe the way the Catholic Church has interpreted the biblical passages mentioning the work of John the Baptist is inaccurate and does not conform to tradition. John the Baptist never asked Jesus to book an appointment, have a meeting and bring forth God Parents. Jesus just walked up to him and said Baptise me..so he did. His recruitment process was perfect. Somewhere along the lines your CEO decided to trademark (and in the process ruin) this process with constraints and rules. These rules don’t make baptism more sacred or holy, they just filter and discourage.

Now I’m not an expert in analysis but I can certainly see that there is a direct correlation between the diminishing Catholic population and a complex recruitment process. Just in case you cannot see it I have included aids which depict the recruitment flaw and how it affects your revenue stream:

The reason why your process doesn't quite work anymore

Flaws in the recruitment process

I implore you to reconsider the baptismal procedure to incorporate more leniency and efficiency in order to adapt to the expectations of today’s society. Live up to the reputation of being ‘Catholic’ and ‘all embracing’. Make it your mission to be as accommodating as McDonalds and you will find your corporation will thrive (just like McDonalds does).

Yours Sincerely (and wishing you the very best for the future),
Uncle Concerned

Before I do so, let’s be fair and list some of the good things that open office has to offer so people don’t crucify me for hating an open source software:

• It exports PDFs nicely

Ok so….

There is a software called Microsoft Office. It is essentially the biggest competitor for open office. Lucky for open office this thing is 500x more popular than it will ever be and so not many people have to deal with the rubbish of open office (I hate you so much). I want to concentrate on Writer Vs MS Word. Let’s compare the two shall we?

My favourite feature of Open Office writer is its ability to hang between the scrolling of new pages. It humorously makes me want to kill myself:

Open Office at its best (go die in a fire)

I have to breathe and take a moment to be serious. One great thing about open source software is its strong support from the community for issues. I decided to test out some community support:

My forum post to OO support

I am anxiously waiting to see some feedback.