KOCS Children’s books

A friend of mine recently reminded me of my passionate pursuit of a career as a children’s book writer. Of course this was just a phase but what really got me wanting to do it was the lack of children’s books out there that used shock-tactics to discipline children.

 

If we look back in history, kids were much better behaved during the times where teachers could smack them with rulers, throw things at them and punish them in slightly traumatising ways. Nowadays teachers have to be careful what they say or the child can scream rape. We are really going backwards and then we wonder why crime rates are rising and brainless acts are abundantly evident. It’s a simple case of ‘actions not being met by tough enough consequences’.

 

Inspired by some of the government drunk-driving advertisements; I came up with the idea to create a series of Children’s books, sponsored by KOCS and deployed with each baby bonus.  These books will provide the necessary education in society’s etiquette and scruples. We shall try to mitigate the generation of badly behaved children at a primary stage of development. 

 

The books are still under construction but here is the lineup I have thought of so far for the mandatory series to all toddlers:

BOB GOES TO THE SUPERMARKET

TOBY DOESN’T SHARE HIS TOYS

LIZZY LEARNS THE ROAD RULES

MAX GOES TO JAIL

JESS RIDES THE TRAIN 

 

 

 I am waiting for an extraordinary illustrator to help me out and provide me with some realistic illustrations to match the text of the story but I didn’t want to leave you guessing as to the method of education these books would use so I have provided some dodgy samples:

 

 

BOB GOES TO THE SUPERMARKET:

 

One day Bob and his mother went to the supermarket to buy healthy groceries, high in nutritional value. They started at the fruit. Bob waited patiently for his mother to select his favourite fruits. Bob loved bananas and apples.

 

When they got to the confectionery aisle, Bob saw many candy wrappers bright in colour and ever so tempting. His mother looked at Bob and said “Bob that food is bad for you. It may taste good but you shouldn’t eat a lot of it because it is expensive and unhealthy.”

 

But Bob had his eyes set on some candy. He kicked and screamed repeating the annoying words “But I want it now!”

 

All the other shoppers were angry at Bob. He was making too much noise in the supermarket.

 

A few days later and Bob caught a plague. His eyes and teeth began to fall out. He lost his hearing and suffered painfully.

Bob is now dead.

 

 

Note: The illustrations are important. Bob deliberately has a mullet in order to deter kids from being like Bob and continuing the look of the mullet. 

 

TOBY DOESN’T SHARE HIS TOYS

 

 Toby was sitting on the ground happily playing with his new toys he got for his birthday. Toby got a tennis ball and fishing net from his biological Father. He was very happy. 

His friend Eli from next door came over to play with Toby. Eli asked Toby “Is that a sieve?” to which Toby replied, “No, it’s a fishing net Eli.”  

 

Eli said “Hey, I have a fishing net too. Would you like me to show you how to use that properly? The ball doesn’t go inside there. Fish do!”

Toby, only partially listening to Eli said “No thanks, I don’t share things with people.”

 

 

A few days later and Toby caught a plague. His eyes and teeth began to fall out. He lost his hearing and suffered painfully.

Toby is now dead.

 

If you are a great illustrator and would like to help me develop this essential book series, then please let me know.