Cashing in on dog personification

Probably the largest and most fascinating natural evolution of the human civilization has been the way we interact with other species of the animal kingdom. Looking back a few generations; there are noticeable changes in the way we perceive domesticated animals.  We were once called “Pet Owners”. Now we are called “Pet Parents” and it’s time for me to cash in on dog personification.

 I love animals and have a beautiful dog of my own. I must admit I treat her like a daughter and celebrate her birthday with a big dog treat, but that’s as far as I will go in terms of personifying my relationship with my dog. I for one can tell the difference between a dog and a human being but there are a lot out there that cannot distinguish this gap, and this number is increasing. Here are just a very few examples from a plethora demonstrating the merging between the dog species and the human species:

• Leashes for babies
• Car Seats for dogs
• Baby/Dog Birthday cards
• Balloons with paw prints
• Pet motels
• Dog clothing
• Dog Grooming
• Dog Party Planners
• Dog Spa Products
• Dog Umbrellas

It recently came to my attention that people have decided to take the personifying of dogs to a totally new level. Some moron out there decided that it was a good idea to elope their dog with another dog. There are various issues with this to start with:

1. How does a dog stay faithful to the one dog till death do them part? Do they even know of this sacred contract? Have they heard of the term monogamy? Probably not right, I mean they’re just dogs…
2. How do you know that dog is in love with that other dog or if it’s just lust? We as humans make that decision on our own. You can’t just say… “aww look they get along so well. Let’s marry them.”

…and if this wasn’t enough, a bigger moron in India decided to marry their nine year old child off to a dog to protect their child from evil (there has actually been several cases of this). Now she is protected from evil, but she is cursed with the life-long marriage to a dog. What is worse? It seems that some people are just stupid and I just put it down to pure and simple stupidity, although some of us see the irony in this situation a lot more than others:

“It’s like marrying an Australian baby to a sausage”

                                                                                                   Quote Emily Elliott

 Even though this is some pretty weird stuff, a huge market has been opened for stupid inventions within the grey area of babies and dogs. Now that this market is growing, it is time to think of the future.  I have started to develop some ideas over a few drinks and have come up with the following concepts which will no doubt be appealing to those “Pet Parents” which treat their dogs like babies:

The fetchsaber

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pretty much speaks for itself. I know my dog loves a good game of fetch with a stick. Why not try a fetchsaber. It comes with the following advantages:

• You can play endless fetch games in the dark and not be worried about losing your stick
• It is very easy to spot when throwing into the waves at the beach
• As your dog runs around, the stick will look like it’s moving by itself. This provides a party ambiance

 

The TITAN surgical collar

Ever seen a dog with a surgical collar and felt sorry for the poor fella’? Doesn’t every dog with a surgical collar look down and low on confidence? Why not spruce up their surgical collar wearing period with a TITAN surgical collar!

The TITAN surgical collar comfortably prevents the dog from picking at their surgical wounds while at the same time providing comfort and confidence with style and fashion for the dog. Parents don’t be too alarmed, here are the following advantages:

• Fashionable outfit masking the traumatic time for your dog
• Novelty for the pet’s parents as their dog is temporarily turned into a fashionable robot-looking badger/dog
• Provides neck support and covering of surgical wound
• Water proof

The dog play chair

Ever seen a baby in a play chair with all these toys surrounding it? If you haven’t trust me… they have a ball just rolling themselves around while distracted with dangling objects. Now I bring you the same concept only this one accommodates all the entertainment needs for a dog:

Dog play chair

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The aforementioned design includes intricate detail in order to ensure your dog is as comfortable as he can be in his play chair. With neck support, adjustable height levels and 4 holes for each leg of a dog; your dog will have endless fun chasing the bone he will never reach.

The following safety features have been incorporated:

• Wheel stoppers for steep inclines
• Tail hole for those dogs with longer tails than others
• A broad base to negate toppling from over exertion 

Phone MUM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Has your partner ever passed the phone over to your dog; only to hear the cute barks and panting of your loved pet over the phone? I haven’t but I’m sure it’s lovely. What if you could have spontaneous out-of-the-blue phone calls from your pet?… and wait for it… They can call you on their own! You’d pay a million dollars for that right?

Well here it is: The phone mum telephone for your pet.  All your pet has to do is push the paw shaped button on his personal pet phone and get a direct connection to your selected phone number (user programmed). Your pet will then be put on speaker where it can hear your voice and respond to any remote commands that you give it.

Features:

• Paw shaped button, accessible to any sized pet (but not extremely large ones)
• Display Screen for phone number programming
• Durable plastic for outside use
• Available in various colours

 

Velcro Muzzle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ever played a game of catch with a friend but he dropped the ball all the time? Then ever bought those Velcro hand things from Toy World and played with that friend; making it 3 times better because now the ball actually stuck when you threw it at him? Now just swap the word ‘friend’ with ‘dog’ in that previous statement and you have VELCRO MUZZLE!

Yes this intuitive but dog-friendly product will allow even the most uncoordinated of dogs to have a chance at playing in the big leagues (with you at the park). The genius design takes advantage of the dog’s instinct to catch the ball in its mouth, only to let the Velcro do the catching for it! Have hours of fun as the dog looks for where the hell the ball actually went!

Features:

• Security standard muzzle performance
• Available in all colours for all dog shapes and sizes
• Machine washable
• No more slobber all over the tennis ball

 

Feel free to use or modify my ideas. I only ask that you let me know of your concepts before you make millions of dollars from them.